Strings of the Heart
by Liphuggers
Summary: Calleigh struggles to wrap her brain around being pregnant. One-shot!


**A/N: After seeing Ugly Betty with Adam Rodriguez in it, it got me thinking about the hiphuggers.** **Big thank you to SpeedlesChic for encouraging me to write this and for the few little ideas she suggested to me. Thanks girl!**

**Also, if anyone still reads The Feelings of Safety, don't worry, the writers block I have maybe over soon!**

**I own nothing, sadly...**

**Enjoy, and please review!**

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As Calleigh made her way into the black mirrored building, she took a deep breath; she couldn't believe this had happened. She walked down the long hallway, her heels clicked on the black and white tiled floor. As she walked she thought about her struggles in the past few weeks.

"_Damn." She said to an empty bathroom, a positive pregnancy test hung in her hands and lightly clattered to the floor. 'What am I going to do? I thought we were being safe. How does a woman with my smarts wind up pregnant? I promised myself no kids, no matter how amazing the man.'_

"_Cal? Calleigh?" Eric called from the front door._

_Calleigh got up from the bath tub side and yelled back to her boyfriend. "In the bathroom babe, I'll be right out." She heard him agree and she raced to shove the test back in the box and then jammed the box in the back of the cabinet remembering to throw it in the trash when he left._

"_You're still not feeling better yet sweetheart?" Eric said as she walked into the kitchen, he was putting Tupperware upon Tupperware of food in her fridge. Most likely from his mother. She was so sweet, knowing that Calleigh always made a home cooked meal, but lately due to Calleigh feeling sick she just hasn't been able to handle a lot of smells. Calleigh shook her head and just looked at her boyfriend and faked a smile. He went over to her and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead._

Calleigh swallowed hard as she continued her walk down to the end of the hallway. She stopped in front of a door. This was it. She placed her hand on the door, closed her eyes and took another deep breath. Suddenly the door opened under her grasp. Calleigh's eyes shot open as she was startled by the motion. "Oh, I'm sorry, I was jus-" she said with her southern accent becoming more noticeable from being shocked.

"Honey, don't worry, I've been there before." The woman said, she looked about six months pregnant, and was holding the hand of a little girl that had curly blonde pigtails and was contently sucking on a lollypop. The woman looked at Calleigh, almost sizing her up, "Your first I take it?"

Calleigh didn't want to talk, just get in and get out, make sure everything was ok with the baby. "Yeah." She smiled halfheartedly.

"The dad didn't stick around, huh? Theirs either. Men, can't live with them, can't live without them." The little girl tugged on her mom's hand and agreed it was time to leave. "Well good luck, oh and take the drugs!" The woman set off in the direction Calleigh just came from.

Calleigh walked into the office, the waiting room had a few people in it, and she walked through another door to the desk. The receptionist looked up and smiled, "Hi, last name?"

She stuttered for a second and found her words. "Duquesne." The women smiled at each other.

"Oh, new patient. Great, Dr. Maggie is a great doctor. You're going to love her!" The receptionist handed her a clipboard of papers and a pen. "If you'll just have a seat in the waiting room and fill out all the paperwork, come back up here and then it shouldn't be that much more of a wait."

"Ok, thank you…" Calleigh said letting on to find out her name.

"Lauren, my name's Lauren." The woman smiled.

"Thank you, Lauren." Calleigh smiled, turned and went through the door to the waiting room. She sat down next to the big fish tank. She started filling out the papers and her eyes fell upon the other women there that had babies playing on the floor.

_Calleigh had called Alexx, she knew that Alexx wasn't that kind of a doctor, but didn't want to hear this from her regular gynecologist. She needed a friend, and Eric was not an option. Yes he was the father, but Calleigh didn't feel comfortable telling him, not yet anyway._

"_Hey Baby Girl!" Alexx said coming out of her office and hugging the blonde southern woman._

"_Hey Alexx." Calleigh said wrapping her arms around her friend. _

_Alexx knew something was different, "Sugar, come in my office and talk." They walk in and sit down, "I know that look Calleigh, why did you call me? I know it wasn't just to have a chat."_

_The ballistics expert looked scared and nervous at the same time. Her heart felt like it was going to come out of her chest, her ears pounded with the sound of her rapid heartbeat. "I need a favor Alexx." She rolled her lips, looked up at her friend and felt tears rushing to her eyes, threatening to spill over._

_Alexx saw this and immediately took the younger woman into a hug. "It's ok honey, you can ask me anything."_

_Faltering over her words she thought it best to just be direct. "Oh God, Alexx, I, I think I'm pregnant." Her tears pouring out of her eyes, Alexx hugged her friend tighter._

"_You want me to confirm. But baby girl, why not your own doctor, with Eric?"_

"_No, I can't have Eric know. This was never supposed to happen."_

_Alexx sensed the mood change and didn't question further. She handed Calleigh an exam gown and let her change. Alexx did the exam and concluded that Calleigh was in fact pregnant. The blonde bombshell quickly changed back and thanked Alexx and promised to do lunch soon._

_Calleigh's drive home was spent in deep thought. 'I don't really want a baby yet, Eric and I are still in that 'honeymoon phase'. What if I'm not a good mother? What if I end up like my mother? I can't have that for this child. I guess I have to accept that I have another life inside me. Maybe Alexx was wrong. No, Alexx is never wrong. Poor Eric, he's not ready for a baby. Oh my God. A baby, my body is going to change so much. Poor, poor Eric, what if he won't like the idea of me pregnant? What if I lose him over this? What if Eric doesn't want the baby either? What am I saying, of course he would, it's me that doesn't want this baby. Not yet. It's too early for a baby.'_

Her flashback was interrupted by a little boy handing her a building block. "Timmy, come here, she doesn't want that. I'm so sorry miss." The woman apologized and smiled.

"Oh, no that's ok. I don't mind." She said giving her best fake smile.

The woman took her son away and sat down where she was originally sitting. Calleigh watched the little boy continue to play. She saw the woman get up and bring her son back to his original seat yet again. The little boy went to move again and the woman caught him before he moved. All of a sudden with the jerk of his mothers arm stopping him, he stood still and held his stomach. Next thing Calleigh noticed was the little boy throwing up all over his clothes. Calleigh went to help the mother with the child's clothes.

"_Hey, let's go in this store. We need to pick up my sister a gift for the baby shower." Eric said looking at his girlfriend with a smile and an arm around her waist, the other hand holding all her shopping bags."_

"_Eric, I don't really want to today. How about you do it on Saturday."_

"_But you have to work and won't be with me to tell me what's good for a baby."_

"_Please Eric, just not today." Without listening to her, he took her hand and led her inside._

_Inside the store Calleigh was reminded of the one thing she didn't want to be reminded of. There were all sorts of things for pregnancy and newborns, clothes, book, toys, and the essentials. She was getting sick just looking at it. 'How could anyone want to bring a child into a world like this, abuse, murder, and violence? Not the kind of place for a kid. Then there are homes that have parents like mine. I don't ever want to be like them. That was the plan right Calleigh? Not to have kids. Boy, I've really screwed up this time, no getting out of it either. I just hope that Eric can do a good job raising the baby because Lord knows I won't be any good.'_

_Calleigh saw a book and picked it up, all about pregnancy. She made sure Eric wasn't looking, she flipped to the back and found unplanned pregnancy in the index. That didn't provide much hope for her. A sales woman came up beside her and asked "Are you pregnant or looking to get pregnant?" Calleigh just looked at the woman like a deer caught in headlights. She couldn't speak. The woman noticed Calleigh's discomfort and smiled. "If there's any questions you have, I'll be around." With another smile and a pat of her hand on Calleigh's shoulder the woman walked away._

'_Yeah,' Calleigh thought, 'how do you get used to the idea of a baby you're going to have in 9 months, when you don't want to be pregnant in the first place?' Calleigh sighed and shook her head, 'Nothing but wait I guess.' She went and found Eric, who told her she looked pale. He agreed another time was better, and they walked out of the store and went home._

Calleigh finished helping the woman with her son and looked at her paperwork. She had finished and brought it up to Lauren, the receptionist. "All done honey? Great, let me just look over everything and see if it's ok." She looked over everything and looked back at Calleigh. "Unplanned? See that woman over there?" She pointed to a woman and a man sitting huddled together. Calleigh nodded. "They've been trying for I think about five years now, still no luck. You are very lucky, I see women in here all the time wanting to conceive. But it's just not in the cards for them I guess."

Calleigh forced a smile, 'Why is this woman telling me this?'

Almost as if Lauren read her mind, "You know I see a lot of women like you. Not wanting to be pregnant because of different reasons. Your different, I think you're just scared to be happy for yourself and the father." Lauren smiled nonchalantly and turned to file her paper work.

Calleigh went to sit down again in the waiting room, she thought about what Lauren had said. 'Is she right? Am I just scared to be happy? What do I really want?'

"_Can you imagine raising a family without any help, I mean, you know, given the hours we work?"_

"_Yeah, I could. Definitely."_

"_Really?" She turned to face him after looking in a suspect's closet._

"_Yeah, why you don't think I'd be a good dad?"_

"_No, I think you'd be a great dad, I just never heard you mention having children before." She smiled uncontrollably._

"_Yeah, well maybe when I find the right girl." Calleigh rolled her lips, she did everything she could do not to turn around and apologize for hurting him by being with Jake. But didn't he know, Jake was gone. She needed a more stable man. She needed him, but would never admit it._

She pulled herself out of her day dream; she remembered the feeling in her stomach when she said he would be a great father. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach again recalling the memory. Another flashback came to her, the day Eric's therapist was killed. When she found him looking through all of Dr. Marsh's patients files.

_He'd gotten very defensive about finding her killer, her arms folded over her chest. He was very determined to find something, anything to help bring justice to her and her family. _

"_Listen, my secrets are in here too." He looked at her with pain and fight in his eyes, she couldn't help it, and did what she had always done since he was shot, helped him. "I'm ok with this." Eric gave her a look as if to say 'well, are you going to help? If not get out.'_

"_Ok." She pulled the chair out and felt his eyes on her, not knowing what they would find, if she would get his file._

_They went through files upon files, not finding what they wanted, only a few remained, Calleigh picked up the last file in her pile. She read at the top right hand corner 'Initial Evaluation.' On the left side it said Delko, Eric. To see how her friend was doing, she took a peek. Calleigh knew it was wrong and knew she should stop, until she saw her name. Eric had told Dr. Marsh that "After I got shot, it really put things in perspective. Made me think about my future, settling down. Be nice if it was Calleigh." She read more of Dr. Marsh's notes, a lot of her notes pertained to Eric talking about their friendship, and the possibility of a future. That moment she knew finally how he felt about her, but needed to hear it directly from him. _

_Some months later he finally did, she was in a coma due to smoke inhalation but she heard every word. "I can't imagine going to work without you. I can't imagine living my life without you."_

_From the moment she woke up and felt his watch on her wrist, all she wanted was Eric. She wanted him to say those words over and over again to her. That was the beginning of their relationship, and they never once looked back. They've faced many challenges and have gotten through them, together._

Calleigh finally realized, 'I've been selfish, Eric has the right to know I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant with Eric's baby, someone that brings so much joy and love to my life, someone that actually knows how to treat me like the woman I am. With him I feel I can do just about anything, I need to call him.' She smiled brightly.

She was pulling out her cell phone to call him when her name was called. She frowned and followed along anyway. Lauren took her height and weight, told her to change into a gown. Lauren smiled, "Feeling any better?"

"Yes, thank you Lauren. Thank you very much!" Calleigh said with a huge smile on her face. Calleigh changed and sat on the examination table. There was a knock at the door and then it opened. A woman around the same age as Calleigh, walked in, she was taller than Calleigh herself, had dirty blonde hair, and soothing blue sapphire eyes.

"Well hello there, Ms. Duquesne, I'm Dr. Maggie Green, you can call me Dr. Maggie."

"Hello Dr. Maggie, you can just call me Calleigh." The two women smiled. Calleigh noticed the doctor's smile was warm and very calming.

"I see that you know my mentor, Dr. Alexx Woods. She's a great woman."

"Yes she is, she used to work as the medical examiner at Miami-Dade PD."

"Oh yes, you're the ballistics expert she couldn't stop talking about." Calleigh blushed a bit. "So in your paperwork it says this is an unplanned pregnancy, is that correct?"

"Yes, unplanned."

"Steady boyfriend?"

"Yeah, he actually left the crime lab for me and our relationship, well there were other factors, but yeah, very steady boyfriend."

"You are about seven and a half weeks, right?"

Calleigh smiled brightly and for the first time since she found out she was pregnant protectively put her hands on her tummy and looked up at the doctor. "Just about."

"Can you lay back for me please?" Calleigh does as she's told, and wishes she had told Eric about this before. Dr. Maggie continued with the conversation as she got the sonogram machine ready. "My receptionist says you changed your tune about the baby."

Calleigh felt so embarrassed about being selfish like that. "Well, I just thought I wouldn't make a good mother, I didn't grow up in the best home, I mean my parents loved me but home life just wasn't the greatest. So I felt that that luck would follow me. But Lauren told me basically that a baby is a gift, I knew that though, and I had a few flashbacks of my boyfriend saying he was ready for a family. I guess I just had to tell myself I was ready." Calleigh and Dr. Maggie laughed.

"Yeah, Lauren is good at reading people and helping them to overcome their obstacles. That's why I hired her, oh and the fact that she's my best friend. The women smiled. "Shall we?" Calleigh nodded vigorously. "The gel is going to feel cold just to warn you." She winked and squirted the gel and Calleigh's still flat belly. Her stomach fluttered, the friendly doctor was right, the gel was a little chilly. The monitor was turned on and Dr. Maggie used the wand to find the baby, she smiled and showed Calleigh the small area that was where the baby was. Calleigh looked at the screen and her heart skipped a beat. She was already so in love with the little peanut that was growing inside her. How could she not want this, she actually felt ashamed for not wanting something that she had a hand in creating. Calleigh couldn't stop smiling and looking at her baby, Eric's baby, their baby. She wished that Eric was here to see this.

Calleigh happened to look at the doctor; she had become very quiet with a serious look on her face and was moving the wand around erratically. Calleigh looked between the monitor and her doctor. Something wasn't right, Calleigh suddenly became very worried. "Dr. Maggie…" She couldn't say any more and the suddenly very quiet doctor turned off the sonogram machine.

Dr. Maggie rolled her lips together and met Calleigh's scared eyes, she cleaned her patient's stomach and held her hand. "Calleigh, I, I couldn't find…" No matter how many women stepped in her exam room, there was always that small possibility that one would leave with terribly sad news. The compassionate doctor had told only a handful of women this in her entire career, and it never got any easier. "Calleigh, I'm very sorry to say but I couldn't find a heartbeat."

Calleigh's face and heart sank. 'No heartbeat?' Tears instantly formed and she was in no way going to hide them, she blinked and the first of many fell. She had finally accepted this baby and now the day dream she had when she first saw her baby was being ripped from her mind. She sobbed and asked the doctor, who also had tears rolling down her face, for more confirmation. "No heartbeat? Are you sure?" Calleigh rolled her lips as more tears escaped her.

"I'm so sorry Calleigh. You can stay here in this room for as long as you need, I want you to come to my office across the hall when you're dressed and ready." She squeezed Calleigh's hand and wiped her own tears away.

When the doctor left, Calleigh cried and cried. She couldn't help but feel responsible for taking the innocent life away. After a while she calmed down enough and gathered herself together, she went into Dr. Maggie's office and they talked about what she should do. Calleigh was leaving the office and walked past the reception desk. Lauren stood up and came around the desk and hugged Calleigh. There were no words that could be spoken just yet. When Calleigh let go of her, her face was tear stained. "Go home and tell him, he deserves to know. You both lost something, together. Here's Dr. Maggie's cell number and here's mine." Lauren scribbled the numbers on the back of a business card and handed it to Calleigh. "Call us anytime. I mean it." Calleigh smiled and offered her thanks. Lauren hugged her and smiled sorrowfully.

Calleigh's drive home was a blur. She actually didn't remember driving, just crying. She walked into her house laid down on the couch, and really sobbed. She had no idea that losing someone she's never met was so hard, but when she thought about it, she did met the baby, half her and half Eric, and a personality all its own. She was able to smile in the midst of her mourning.

A couple hours later after she had fallen asleep, Eric walked in. He sat on her couch next to her sleeping body. He gently smoothed her hair; she jumped and opened her eyes. There he was all smiles, soon which would change to pain and sorrow.

"Hey querida how was the doctor's appointment?" She thought about lying, but hadn't she done that enough? Eric furrowed his brow when he saw the dried tear tracks on her face. "What's the matter Cal?" He pushed her chin up with his fingers and looked deep into her eyes.

No, she couldn't lie, tears came too easily to her and she grabbed his shirt, pulling him impossibly closer to her. He lay down next to her and smoothed her hair from the back of her head down her back and continued until she was ready to talk.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, but I didn't go to just a regular doctor, I went to a specialist." Eric's eyes widened and before he could form words to ask, she was speaking again. "I went to an obstetrician."

"That's a ba-" He was in the progress of saying what she didn't want him to finish, and she started to cry again. She was very sure he was catching on.

"There was no heartbeat, Eric I'm sorry I lost our baby. For weeks I didn't want it and it's my fault."

"Shh, don't say things that are out of your control." He hugged her tight to him. Calleigh sobbed again, she was lucky to have someone so understanding in her life. She suddenly realized that the living room was full of cries, and not just from her. She looked up and saw Eric crying, one of the strongest men she knew was broken, just like her. They held each other, and continued to mourn their loss for hours, together. When she was finally ready to speak she kissed him lightly on the lips.

"Eric, babe, I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"Hey, listen yeah, I'm a little hurt that you didn't tell me, but you had reasons, like I did with my father, to protect each other. Obviously it wasn't our time for a baby. But when it is I hope you will tell me next time." He smiled his infamous Delko smile and Calleigh laughed.

"Are you upset that we aren't having a baby and starting a family?" Calleigh said as her heart sank for the second time that day.

"Hey, listen to me, baby or no baby; we're going to be a family."

He kissed her again and just held her, no need to pull out the ring that he had in his pocket, it could wait for another day. Calleigh's heart fluttered and she smiled. "We are a family, aren't we?" She said kissing him back.

"And always will be."

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**Please review, I'd love to know what everyone thought!**


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